So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
