I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
