I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
