phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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