dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
