nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
