i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
