so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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