thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They took my balls.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
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