She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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