you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize