just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
