By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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