Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
