is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
