Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
