Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I deserve this hangover.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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