my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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