the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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