yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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