You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
