i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
