so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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