Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
