Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Rumble strips road head = magical
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
