I'm pants shitting drunk right now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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