I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
