she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
