I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
