I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
