and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
