I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
