I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Enjoy the penises
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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