Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
