Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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