i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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