I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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