I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
