How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
