u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
