it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
