She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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