We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
