I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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