i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
