no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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