They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
