i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i came on her dog
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
