It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
