so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
