Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
