y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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