I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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