The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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