I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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