its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
