I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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