I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize