i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
