Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
