He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
