Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
