There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
