You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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