is your mom at the bar?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
