i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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