Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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