I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
