Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
