my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
