Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
