Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
