Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
