Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
