I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
