It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
