After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
