Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How does it feel to date your dad?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
